When I'm tempted to dissolve into a cloud of of resentment and fear I often yield to the moment. Perhaps one day I will master myself sufficiently to preempt these episodes entirely. Usually after a brief foray into this unsastisfying landscape I turn round and look back forlorn at the situation I have left. It is no mean estate.
If I am loved at all, it is in spite of my weaknesses or defects of character. Whenever I forget how badly I need the acceptance and forgiveness of others, that is the precise moment when I feel loathing and suspect the motives of others. Of course, the motives of others are sometimes rightly suspected. Nevertheless, it is in identifying with their failings that I find the common ground I need to reconcile. It is highly counterintuitive.
Each day I am confronted with many opportunities to practice this discipline. The part that makes it difficult is that at the exact moment when I am caught up in my condemnation is the same moment I need most to recall that I am most worthy of condemnation.
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